The Lost Country

Fall 2014 • Vol. 3, No. 1

issn 2326-5310 (online)

Letter to Myself

By Risa Hlymbicky

This work was published in the Fall 2014 issue of The Lost Country. You may purchase a copy of this issue from us or, if you prefer, from Amazon.

If I could write a letter to myself
I’d speak of joys unimaginable
Of things yet to come
That would light my dismal world
Occupy my thoughts
And take over my dreams

If I could write a letter to myself
I’d write of fears, of nightmares
Of heartbreak and failures
Seemingly unbearable loss
Too painful to think of
But somehow eventually overcome

If I could write a letter
I’d tell myself to love deeply
To trust fully and to believe
But also to exercise caution, to discern
And to keep my head in the equation
When my heart wants to take over

I’d tell myself to see a doctor sooner
To stop those terrifying episodes
To be able to sleep again
To live in peace and control the angry haze
The not-me
The chaotic state of being

If I could write a letter
I’d pen tales of great romance
Acts of love, genuine and pure
Later followed by acts of betrayal
Cruel manipulation
And selfish indecision
That somehow didn’t negate
The heartfelt actions of the past

I’d write of love that was meaningful
Even if it wasn’t endless
A finite but overwhelming affection
A love affair run its course
That faded away
And became nothing but bittersweet memories

I’d write of friendships that lasted
Against all odds
Of those that slipped away too easily
Surrendered without a fight
The regret that followed those decisions
And the constant need to justify
Or those that were battled for
For all the wrong reasons

If I could write a letter
I’d explain the differences
Between making a mistake and correcting one
Between loving and wanting to be loved
Between wanting and needing
Between guilt and regret

If I could write a letter to myself
I’d reveal all the things I know
The experiences and wisdom gained
The mistakes and decisions made
The good and bad alike
That would make me into a person I’d admire
Who I’d be glad to know
Whose letter I’d hope to one day read.